Lost in Time....

It's no secret that I've been searching for something my entire life. I have a very good life, a wonderful loving husband, two smart and beautiful children, a house, a car, a job....what more could I want? Well, ever since I was a youngling, I've felt that something was missing in my life. I've never quite gotten that "complete" feeling. I used to think it was my lack of having caring parents that I missed, but over time I realized that wasn't it.

I feel as though I was born in the wrong time or in the wrong place. I travel extensively because I feel like I'm searching for something. I'm obsessed with Ireland, always have been. I'm obsessed with the East Coast, also. I don't know if it's just a driving desire to SEE these places, or if I have some secret lost connection to these places. After all, Irish are known for their lore and legends. What if I posses some innate sixth sense that is encouraging me to visit these places in order to find inner peace? Perhaps this is why I'm drawn to books about Ireland or the East Coast? Perhaps I'm just a lost soul wandering aimlessly through out time? Perhaps I've had way too much caffeine. :)

Whatever it is, I'm terribly lucky to have a man in my life who supports my adventurous cravings. He's willing to let me drag him from place to place, exploring endless possibilities, and falling in love with my surroundings.

I'd always wanted to see Hawaii, and we were married there! The island itself was surrounded by gorgeous pristine waters, and sea turtles would swim right up to humans. The mountains were topped with low laying clouds, and when the rains came it, it was a truly breathtaking site to see. Watching the waves gently lapping the shores, or crashing angrily against rocks was so mesmerizing to me. Never in my life had I ever imagined seeing something so beautiful, so untouched, so happy, and there I was during one of the happiest days of my life!

We plan on anniversaries being our "vacation" time. Unfortunately, this year it's not possible to travel, as we're working on paying off debts, getting a new car, and saving for a new home. However, for our 5th anniversary, we're hoping to travel back to Hawaii with our children in tow. How lovely would it be for them to see what their parents saw? How incredible the memories will be to see the islands again for the first time through their eyes? It'll be a great way to express our love for one another, and bring our children into our little secret world of wonder and celebrations.

We've got Ireland planned for our 10th or 15th anniversaries. A little research helped us plan that little endeavor. Did you know, that Ireland is very inexpensive? We found a cottage, fully stocked for 150 pounds a week, 3 bedroom, full kitchen, 2 bathroom, on a cliff.....what more could you ask for? Also, it's very close to one of my most desired places in County Clare near Ennis. I can't wait to just go and wake up to the sounds and smells of Ireland. How neat will it be to sit in a pub, and listen to the singers and familiar voices telling tall tales, and sharing life in Ireland? How fun would it be to ride horses along the beach, or brood over the cliffs of Mohr? How exciting will it be to wander through cemeteries and old castles and remains? My heart is beating frantically just THINKING about it.

Funny how my anniversaries are already somewhat planned. It's this adventurous side that leaves me feeling discontent. I'm a daydreamer, and I can't sit still for long periods of time. I ache to Go, Go, Go....and feel the ordinary is so mundane. It's for that reason alone, that I'm ashamed of that rebellious side of myself. I do have so much in my life, and I can't think of that gift from God as mundane. It's a blessing to have what I have, and my heart tells me so. So, even if at times I do feel a little sad for the things I have yet to do, I feel a softer contentment in the things that I have already done. Funny how as we grow, and learn, we also develop a greater sense of what life is about. I guess that is why once we've figured it all out, it's our time to be called to God, so that we don't accidentally leak that information to the younger, less knowledgeable youth, who are still searching for their destiny.

Maybe some day, I'll be able to pen a book. To sit still long enough, to dive into something that I know I truly love, and to feel that sense of contentment grow even more. Perhaps I'll never reach that goal, but in my husband, children, friends and family, will feel that my life was, after all, a complete masterpiece.